When the future is not sure, organizing and planning may suddenly seem like too much work. Many unexpected financial issues can happen after a cancer diagnosis. Your treatment may require time away from work or home.

Consider the costs of medicines, medical devices, traveling for treatment and parking fees at the hospital. Many clinics and hospitals keep lists of resources to help you financially during and after your cancer treatment. Talk with your health care team about your options.

It can be hard for people who have not had cancer to understand how you're feeling. It may help to talk to people who have been in your situation.

Other cancer survivors can share their experiences. They can tell you what to expect during treatment. Talk to a friend or family member who has had cancer. Or connect with other cancer survivors through support groups. Ask your health care provider about support groups in your area.

You can contact your local chapter of the American Cancer Society. Online message boards also bring cancer survivors together. Start with the American Cancer Society's Cancer Survivors Network. Reach out to friends or neighbors who have had a serious illness.

Ask them how they dealt with these complex issues. Some old stigmas about cancer still exist. Your friends may wonder if your cancer is contagious.

Co-workers may doubt you're healthy enough to do your job. Some may avoid you because they're afraid to say the wrong thing.

Many people will have questions and concerns. Determine how you'll deal with others. In general, others will follow what you do. Remind friends that cancer shouldn't make them afraid to be around you.

Just as each person's cancer treatment is different, so are the ways of dealing with cancer. Ideas to try:. What helped you through rough times before your cancer diagnosis can help ease your worries now. This may include a close friend, religious leader or a favorite activity.

Turn to these comforts now. Also be open to trying new ways to deal with your cancer. There is a problem with information submitted for this request. Sign up for free and stay up to date on research advancements, health tips, current health topics, and expertise on managing health.

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Check out these best-sellers and special offers on books and newsletters from Mayo Clinic Press. This content does not have an English version. This content does not have an Arabic version. Appointments at Mayo Clinic Mayo Clinic offers appointments in Arizona, Florida and Minnesota and at Mayo Clinic Health System locations.

Request Appointment. Cancer diagnosis: 11 tips for coping. Products and services. Cancer diagnosis: 11 tips for coping If you've been diagnosed with cancer, knowing what to expect and making plans for how to proceed can help make this stressful time easier.

By Mayo Clinic Staff. Thank you for subscribing! Sorry something went wrong with your subscription Please, try again in a couple of minutes Retry. Show references Taking time: Support for people with cancer. National Cancer Institute. Accessed July 29, Rock CL, et al.

American Cancer Society nutrition and physical activity guidelines for cancer survivors. CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians. Physical activity and cancer. Questions to ask your health care team. Accessed Aug. Products and Services Assortment of Pill Aids from Mayo Clinic Store A Book: Live Younger Longer A Book: Mayo Clinic Family Health Book, 5th Edition Newsletter: Mayo Clinic Health Letter — Digital Edition Give today to find cancer cures for tomorrow.

See also Adjuvant therapy for cancer Alternative cancer treatments: 11 options to consider Atypical cells: Are they cancer? Biological therapy for cancer Biopsy procedures Blood Basics Bone marrow transplant Bone scan Cancer Cancer Cancer blood tests Myths about cancer causes Infographic: Cancer Clinical Trials Offer Many Benefits Cancer-related fatigue Cancer pain: Relief is possible Cancer-prevention strategies Cancer risk: What the numbers mean Cancer surgery Cancer survival rate Cancer survivors: Care for your body after treatment Cancer survivors: Late effects of cancer treatment Cancer survivors: Managing your emotions after cancer treatment Cancer survivorship program Cancer treatment Cancer treatment myths Cancer-related fatigue Cancer-related pain Cancer-related weakness Chemo targets Chemoembolization Chemotherapy Chemotherapy and hair loss: What to expect during treatment Chemotherapy and sex: Is sexual activity OK during treatment?

Chemotherapy nausea and vomiting: Prevention is best defense Chemotherapy side effects: A cause of heart disease?

Complete blood count CBC Cough CT scan Curcumin: Can it slow cancer growth? Cancer-related diarrhea Eating during cancer treatment: Tips to make food tastier Fatigue Fertility preservation Heart cancer: Is there such a thing? High-dose vitamin C: Can it kill cancer cells?

Honey: An effective cough remedy? Infographic: CAR-T Cell Therapy Intensity-modulated radiation therapy IMRT Intrathecal chemotherapy Joint pain Low blood counts Magic mouthwash Medical marijuana Microwave ablation for cancer Mindfulness exercises Minimally invasive cancer surgery Monoclonal antibody drugs Mort Crim and Cancer Mouth sores caused by cancer treatment: How to cope MRI Muscle pain Needle biopsy Night sweats No appetite?

cyst: What's the difference? TVEC Talimogene laherparepvec injection Ultrasound Unexplained weight loss Stem cell transplant How cancer spreads MRI PICC line placement When cancer returns: How to cope with cancer recurrence Wide local skin excision X-ray Show more related content.

Mayo Clinic Press Check out these best-sellers and special offers on books and newsletters from Mayo Clinic Press. Mayo Clinic on Incontinence - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic on Incontinence The Essential Diabetes Book - Mayo Clinic Press The Essential Diabetes Book Mayo Clinic on Hearing and Balance - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic on Hearing and Balance FREE Mayo Clinic Diet Assessment - Mayo Clinic Press FREE Mayo Clinic Diet Assessment Mayo Clinic Health Letter - FREE book - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic Health Letter - FREE book.

ART Home Cancer diagnosis 11 tips for coping. Show the heart some love! Give Today. Help us advance cardiovascular medicine. Find a doctor. Explore careers. Sign up for free e-newsletters. Some people just do not have much experience with this essential ability, and even regard it as pointless or self-indulgent.

Research suggests just the opposite: experiencing and expressing such emotions is psychologically and immunologically healthy. Finally, timing is important. The period after your diagnosis when you are learning about your illness and undergoing the initial workup and treatments may not be the right time for you to be taking stock of all your emotions.

Your plate is already very full. You may need to put your emotions aside for a while as you attend to everything else. Moreover, it will benefit you most to express your emotions with the right people when their support is available to you. The amount of support available to cancer patients varies across the country, and patients themselves differ in how much they tend to reach out and take advantage of the support.

Reaching out for support often means expressing your feelings and concerns to others— which, as we saw, can be a challenge for many patients.

It can also mean that you ask your loved ones for the type of support you need most, and this requires that you first ask yourself what that support might consist of. You will probably identify ways that people can help you that have not occurred to them. Patients generally appreciate the positive intent behind this, yet it can hamper patients from sharing their fears or sorrows.

Often, patients would rather hear that others understand how they feel, regard their emotions as valid, and will stick with them regardless of what happens. You might need to tell people that. On a more concrete level, you might ask others to accompany you during a medical appointment, pick up the kids after school, look up information for you the Internet is a wonderful resource for up-to-date information, as long as it is from reliable sources , or prepare a nutritious meal for your family.

If you find that you are not reaching out for the support that is available, reflect on the reasons for your stoicism. You may be minimizing your own needs for support because you pride yourself on being independent and self-sufficient.

It may seem to you that others would be bothered by your need for support or help and resent your imposing on them. More often than not, this is an assumption based on earlier experience. Perhaps you have found in the past that it is best to rely on yourself. While you should continue to draw upon your own internal resources, you should also realize that other people can and want to assist you in meeting the challenges of your illness, and you allow them to do so.

Obtaining support often means joining a support group, and research has shown that such groups help patients to cope with and adjust to their illness. Support group members find that they have a great deal to offer each other in the way of mutual support and encouragement, discussion of common problems and ways of coping, and sharing of medical information.

The American Cancer Society office, or hospitals specializing in cancer treatments in your community, will know of support groups that you could join.

Do you take the initiative and actively participate in your treatment? Some patients tackle their cancer head on. They have a strong fighting spirit, and they find ways of putting it into action.

They go out of their way to learn about their illness and the options for treatment. They pursue the best treatments available and also consider alternative or holistic approaches.

Patients who adopt a participatory stance believe they can make a difference, and they put this belief into action. They therefore feel less helpless and vulnerable.

This is a main reason why their emotional state is better. The belief in yourself as an active and effective agent is called self-efficacy, and research has consistently documented its positive emotional effects.

Patients who are coping in this way usually ask their doctors about treatment options and alternative therapies that their doctors had not mentioned. Instead of only following what their doctors say, they come up with ideas of their own.

Also, they usually embrace some ways of promoting their physical well-being that go beyond the normal recommendations. These patients often pursue new, experimental therapies that may offer additional hope. In all these ways, the patient is actively participating in an effort to recover fully or, if that is not realistic, to maintain the best physical health possible.

In contrast to those who feel they have an active role to play, some patients adopt a resigned, fatalistic attitude. One reason for this attitude is that it lets the patient off the hook for any extra effort that could make a difference.

While the diagnosis and treatment of cancer is an awful experience in many respects, it also can be a challenge and even an opportunity for positive change. In response to their illnesses, many patients step back and take stock of who they are and how they have been living. They reflect on their values and priorities, and often identify changes that are warranted and perhaps overdue in their lifestyles and personal relationships.

It is often noted that growing old forces us to pay attention to what is important in life. The same can be said of a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. Even if you are not inclined toward spirituality, you probably have a basic philosophy of life that highlights for you the importance of certain goals and values.

These are important because of what they mean to your personal integrity and fulfillment. To what degree does your lifestyle demonstrate these goals and values? This is a question for all of us, but it can become especially compelling if you are dealing with cancer.

For many, their illnesses inspire them to pay more attention to what matters most. This could mean spending more time with family and close friends, making a greater contribution to the causes you believe in, showing more appreciation for all that you have and are, bringing forth aspects of your personality that have been suppressed, taking better care of your physical and emotional needs, and seeking to be more honest and true to yourself.

In all these ways and in many more, your illness can become an impetus for positive change. This kind of self-blame is completely unwarranted, and it fosters feelings of guilt and depression.

Most people in our society have some fundamental spiritual beliefs, and these beliefs can be called upon for help in dealing with cancer.

Patients who do so benefit in a variety of ways: they have a greater sense of peace, an inner strength, an ability to cope, and show an improved psychological adjustment and quality of life.

These benefits derive especially from the perspective offered by religious faith or spirituality, and from the power of prayer and religious ritual.

All of us, whether we have cancer or not, are challenged at some point with the question of how to respond to our vulnerability to disease, suffering, and death. For some, these realities lead to a kind of existential despair.

Others embrace a perspective that goes beyond these realities, or that penetrates more deeply into them to find meaning and value that transcends their individual existence or plight. It is difficult to reconcile how an almighty, loving, and just God could allow cancer to happen to a good person.

Patients often believe that the illness is a punishment. In our culture, we often assume that what happens to a person is somehow linked to what the person deserves.

In the Judeo-Christian tradition, it is emphasized that God is with us in our suffering, providing the grace we need to endure; God is not doling out suffering to those who deserve it.

Through prayer and liturgy, patients are able to connect to the core of their faith and to their religious community and derive the solace and fortitude they need to cope with their illness. One of these is the stigma of having cancer—the belief that it can imply something bad about the person who has it.

In addition, many of the sources of your self-esteem can be threatened by cancer and the effects of medical treatments: your appearance, your physical abilities and activity level, your personal attributes such as being healthy and independent , and your role and identity within your family or in your work life.

Now look at me. The danger is depression and, with that, the weakening of the will to live. The opportunity lies in finding additional sources of self-esteem within yourself. For example, you might take pride in the way you are coping with your illness.

You might have a new appreciation for how much you are loved—not because of what you do or how you look but because of who you are. Perhaps it has been difficult for you to depend on others because your independence has been overly important; you might now take pride in your ability to express your needs and ask for help.

Perhaps your spirituality has been deepened by your cancer experience, and this can also help to renew your self-esteem. The overall emotional well-being of patients is enhanced when they discover or develop new sources for positive self-regard. You can also protect your self-esteem by maintaining your normal activities and roles as much as possible.

Your illness does not suddenly define you as a cancer patient, as if that is your new identity. Patients who continue to do the things that are important to them, to the extent possible, enjoy a better psychological adjustment than those who too quickly abandon these roles and activities or expect too little of themselves because they have cancer.

It may seem that a major challenge when dealing with cancer is to fight against the possibility of death. Certainly, the philosophy and technology of modern medicine are preoccupied with this fight. The practitioners of alternative therapies also stress their healing potential. From all quarters, cancer patients hear that they must maintain hope, keep a positive attitude, and try not to give up.

It seems that everything revolves around getting better. And yet many patients die of cancer, and even those who do not are living with the possibility that they might. Very little support is offered to patients coming to terms with this possibility of death, in reaching some sense of peace about it and not feeling that it is a failure and outrage to die.

We are not saying that you should accept the possibility of dying, and therefore not rail against it and do all you can to prevent it.

Nor are we suggesting that if your cancer progresses, and death seems inevitable, that you should accept it then. Facing death is profoundly personal and inherently difficult: our survival instinct runs counter to it.

The loss of life and everything that it entails seems unbearable, and for most of us dying is almost too dreadful to think about. But it is possible to come to terms with death and patients who do enjoy the peace that acceptance brings. The majority of newly diagnosed patients have a favorable prognosis.

You might think that it would be better to confront death when the time comes. But even now, you are facing the possibility of dying of cancer and striving to prevent or delay it.

This fight for your life is bound to be filled with fear, desperation, and inner anguish if you are not also striving, in your own way, to come to terms with the possibility of death. This does not mean that you dwell on it; it means that you deal with it and then go on.

It is always wise to review your personal and financial affairs. Having done so, you will be all the better at living in the fullness of life, one day at a time, rather than in the dread of what could possibly happen. The work of coming to terms with death can draw on our religious, spiritual, and philosophical beliefs about what is important in life, and why.

These beliefs can provide meaning and purpose to life, and therefore consolation when facing death. Many people have been able to feel, and to know, that their life has been about something important and of lasting value.

This is one of the major ways that our religion or spirituality can help us. We have found that most of our patients are struggling with these issues and longing for a sense of peace, but they are forced to do so quietly because they have so little support for this important inner work.

Many patients abandon this effort, and come to feel hopeless about it. We encourage you to go forward through reflection and reading in the religious or spiritual traditions that appeal to you.

One book that many patients have found helpful is The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. The coping strategies we have discussed are not right for everyone, but there is good evidence that they generally are helpful to patients who are dealing with cancer.

The bottom line is that they help patients feel better and stronger. Patients feel better because they are facing their illness squarely and working through its emotional impact, and yet also keeping a perspective on it so that cancer does not define them or take over their life.

Through all the trials and challenges that cancer can bring, they are keeping their wits about them and are able to carry on. They feel stronger because they have support from other people and from within themselves.

They have taken stock of their most cherished reasons for living, which strengthen and sustain them in their fight against cancer. And yet they also feel that their survival is not the only important objective; the quality of their lives and relationships, the values they live by, and their spirituality also deserve attention and effort.

They have the peace of knowing that their death from cancer, if it comes to that, will not obliterate the meaning, value, and joy that their life has given to them and their loved ones. I have been treated with chemotherapy for more than six years and am now on my fifty-fifth course.

My current treatment is an experimental infusion that lasts fifteen days each month. Almost immediately, I experience a nearly imperceptible ebbing away of my physical stamina and soon I prefer to walk rather than run, take an escalator instead of the stairs, and sit down rather than stand.

My life moves into slow motion. I gradually witness a change in my personality and the way I react to people and situations. What makes this experience so difficult and frightening is the loss of control that takes place—a transformation from a fully active and vital person into someone who can barely sit up and function effectively, which is overwhelming and disheartening.

Somewhere inside the deepest part of me, my truest self hides out under cover, and tells me that all of this is temporary and that I must just wait out these drug-induced episodes. This kind voice, along with my unwavering faith in God, enables me to conquer and think that somehow I will be able to see my way into the clearing.

And so I go on. These are the ten coping mechanisms that work for me:. I feel less defensive sooner when I can do this. For example, I have fewer blaming thoughts and use less denial when I can acknowledge my emotional pain. Almost as soon as I get to naming the feeling, I am able to move on to constructive thinking and problem solving.

Yet, a source of conflict may emerge within us between our values and beliefs about life and the more immediate reality emerging before us. When our survival appears to be threatened, some of our basic beliefs in life seem out of line with the new reality.

What is true? I feel deceived! The meaning in life seems to have shifted! Some ideas are comforting; others challenge us to shift our thoughts to more inclusive humanitarian viewpoints. Here are those that I found comforting:.

This philosophy holds us responsible for our emotions. Click here for complete interviews. Andrew Kneier, Ph. is a clinical psychologist who specialized over the course of his career in helping patients and families touched by cancer.

Most of this work was done at the University of California, San Francisco, Comprehensive Cancer Center where he was the only clinical psychologist for many years.

In a number of cancer clinics, he was an integral part of the team and met with all new patients as a routine part of the program of care. More He also worked with hundreds of patients in in-depth psychotherapy and led ongoing support groups for patients with colon cancer, prostate cancer, melanoma, and for husbands whose wives had cancer.

All told, he met with over patients during his full time career. He now works part time with patients through the Sierra Nevada Comprehensive Cancer Center in Grass Valley, California.

Every three months scans were done to look for tumors in his chest or abdomen. A therapist helped him cope with the fears and depression that occurred during this difficult time.

Once it was determined that it was only a scare not the real thing he changed careers with the aim of becoming a therapist to help others as he had been helped. Five years later to obtained his doctorate from the California School of Professional Psychology in Berkeley, CA.

Before this career change, he was on the road to becoming a professor of religious studies through the University of Chicago Divinity School. His interest in religious scholarship grew during his three years as a member of the Christian Brothers and his subsequent study of theology at the University of San Francisco, where he obtained baccalaureate and masters degrees.

He feels his background in this area has helped him be attuned to the religious or spiritual questions that can come with a life-threatening disease. Ernest H.

He teaches at the University of California, San Francisco, Comprehensive Cancer Center, was the cofounder of the Northern California Academy of Clinical Oncology, and founded the Better Health Foundation and the Cancer Supportive Care Program at the Stanford Complementary Medicine Clinic, Stanford University Medical Center.

His passionate interest in clinical research and developing ways to improve patient care and communication with patients and colleagues has resulted in over fifty articles on cancer and hematology in various medical journals.

He has also participated in many radio and television programs and frequently lectures to medical and public groups. Ernest and Isadora Rosenbaum received the same award in for their book, A Comprehensive Guide for Cancer Patients and Their Families.

Isadora Rosenbaum is a medical assistant who worked in immunology research and is currently at an oncology practice at the UCSF Comprehensive Cancer Center offering advice and psychosocial support. She coauthored Nutrition for the Cancer Patient and The Comprehensive Guide for Cancer Patients and Their Families.

Diane Behar is a patient who shares her coping story during her fifty-fifth course of chemotherapy. A longer story of hers can be found here from Inner Fire. Program Coordinator, Cancer Supportive Care Program, Stanford Integrative Medicine Clinic, Stanford, CA.

If we combine this information with your protected health information, we will treat all of that information as protected health information and will only use or disclose that information as set forth in our notice of privacy practices.

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Request Appointment. Cancer diagnosis: 11 tips for coping. Products and services. Cancer diagnosis: 11 tips for coping If you've been diagnosed with cancer, knowing what to expect and making plans for how to proceed can help make this stressful time easier.

By Mayo Clinic Staff. Thank you for subscribing! Sorry something went wrong with your subscription Please, try again in a couple of minutes Retry.

Show references Taking time: Support for people with cancer. National Cancer Institute. Accessed July 29, Rock CL, et al. American Cancer Society nutrition and physical activity guidelines for cancer survivors.

CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians. Physical activity and cancer. Questions to ask your health care team. Accessed Aug. Products and Services Assortment of Pill Aids from Mayo Clinic Store A Book: Live Younger Longer A Book: Mayo Clinic Family Health Book, 5th Edition Newsletter: Mayo Clinic Health Letter — Digital Edition Give today to find cancer cures for tomorrow.

See also Adjuvant therapy for cancer Alternative cancer treatments: 11 options to consider Atypical cells: Are they cancer? Biological therapy for cancer Biopsy procedures Blood Basics Bone marrow transplant Bone scan Cancer Cancer Cancer blood tests Myths about cancer causes Infographic: Cancer Clinical Trials Offer Many Benefits Cancer-related fatigue Cancer pain: Relief is possible Cancer-prevention strategies Cancer risk: What the numbers mean Cancer surgery Cancer survival rate Cancer survivors: Care for your body after treatment Cancer survivors: Late effects of cancer treatment Cancer survivors: Managing your emotions after cancer treatment Cancer survivorship program Cancer treatment Cancer treatment myths Cancer-related fatigue Cancer-related pain Cancer-related weakness Chemo targets Chemoembolization Chemotherapy Chemotherapy and hair loss: What to expect during treatment Chemotherapy and sex: Is sexual activity OK during treatment?

Chemotherapy nausea and vomiting: Prevention is best defense Chemotherapy side effects: A cause of heart disease? Complete blood count CBC Cough CT scan Curcumin: Can it slow cancer growth? Cancer-related diarrhea Eating during cancer treatment: Tips to make food tastier Fatigue Fertility preservation Heart cancer: Is there such a thing?

High-dose vitamin C: Can it kill cancer cells? Honey: An effective cough remedy? Infographic: CAR-T Cell Therapy Intensity-modulated radiation therapy IMRT Intrathecal chemotherapy Joint pain Low blood counts Magic mouthwash Medical marijuana Microwave ablation for cancer Mindfulness exercises Minimally invasive cancer surgery Monoclonal antibody drugs Mort Crim and Cancer Mouth sores caused by cancer treatment: How to cope MRI Muscle pain Needle biopsy Night sweats No appetite?

cyst: What's the difference? TVEC Talimogene laherparepvec injection Ultrasound Unexplained weight loss Stem cell transplant How cancer spreads MRI PICC line placement When cancer returns: How to cope with cancer recurrence Wide local skin excision X-ray Show more related content. Mayo Clinic Press Check out these best-sellers and special offers on books and newsletters from Mayo Clinic Press.

Mayo Clinic on Incontinence - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic on Incontinence The Essential Diabetes Book - Mayo Clinic Press The Essential Diabetes Book Mayo Clinic on Hearing and Balance - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic on Hearing and Balance FREE Mayo Clinic Diet Assessment - Mayo Clinic Press FREE Mayo Clinic Diet Assessment Mayo Clinic Health Letter - FREE book - Mayo Clinic Press Mayo Clinic Health Letter - FREE book.

ART Home Cancer diagnosis 11 tips for coping. Show the heart some love! Give Today. Help us advance cardiovascular medicine. Find a doctor. Explore careers. Sign up for free e-newsletters.

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I have been diagnosed with a Glioblastoma Brain Tumor in June of …. What a year, right? after the shock news like that I have decided to live everyday to the best of my abilities and enjoy each and everyone I see. Each day and every person. I want to pass strength and love to my family, friends and fellow cancer fighters.

Stay strong and remember one thing. I HAVE CANCER…. Make memories. I have Cancer, Thank you so very much for this site and the words.

I pray for all of us. Tell me all about it. Caring Bridge should know better. These are beautiful quotes having cancer is one of the hardest things for sure.

I will fight and be brave. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer with no cure Parotid gland cancer that metastasis to my lungs in October of I do chemo 1x a week for 3 weeks then one week off. I just finished my th treatment the day before Thanksgiving. Yea I have hard days but I hang on to faith and that God is good in all circumstances.

The faith, hope, and love from him. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand! I am a 2 year almost 3 year colon cancer survivor. I just want to encourage you to keep going strong. Keep hold to the promise God is always in the midst of the battle.

He loves you and cares greatly for you. Therefore inner peace you will find. Undifferentiated pleomorphic sarcoma stage 4. Discovered by coincidence. Surgery June 1st for a primary tumor in my chest wall.

And surgery October 21st in my lung for a metastatic tumor. Complete removal with wide negative margins. Informed by my oncologist that there no standard treatment only surgery.

I feel like I am on a ferris wheel, one moment on top and the next on the bottom. And scan anxiety this wonderful day.

Philip Seaman. Most people have the best in their heart and a total failure when they open their mouths. When they start with my cousins uncles friend had cancer 10 years ago…….. I politely smile and tell them , as I just stopped them from another wincing anecdote and Say Thank you for your kindness and I really appreciate your concern.

But in my case I Am Surfing My Own Wave. But again I do appreciate your concern. Most everyone is relieved at not having to talk and realize I am ok with this. God Bless and may you all find comfort somewhere in your life. I am living with MBC with Mets to the Bone which we found 19 years status post Breast Ca Dx and journey.

My daughter and I chose quality over quantity. I am now 3 years in after the first 19 years out and I live life like it is a gift. Each day I awake it is like taking a bow off a present. Lisa R. The most dreaded effective word ever given to people. In it is suffering every thing imaginable it changes the person the carer the family if there are any nearIt is a constant battle or fear and pain and the using of energy we did not know we had in us.

People offer help but at the end of the day it dissolves away and we are forgotten. Amazing words!!!

Positively is gold!!! I am in awe of the strength and calming courageous ways of my beautiful niece. May we all learn to live in the moment. One day at a time. Yes with HOPE. Our family is going down this road as our darling son, by marriage, has been diagnosed with brain cancer.

Kendell has been a teacher, soccer player, coach, husband, father, and a friend to many over the years. He now faces the biggest race of his life and I looked on this sight for words of inspiration as I make a card for him this week. God is with him in this, but the tears and hurt are still there for him, our daughter, and their two young children.

This has been so helpful to put words to what is in my heart as I make the card for the week, and I will return each week for inspiration. I can only do this by getting through each day the best I can, then through the night, and when tomorrow comes, I start over! Remember you are the one fighting the battle — and it is up to you how you fight.

Never give up on yourself no matter what others say! me- 10 yr plus survivor of pancreatic cancer. Tough people do. Tragically, she has since died. Miraculously, I have lived 15 years when statistics predicted only Praise God. It feels cheap and flippant.

Maybe science does and maybe God does but I certainly do not know how to fix cancer! The other one about being a fighter-I guess. Oh, Vicki, my heart goes out to you! It is so painful to see your child suffer. Vicki, anyone who says cancer strikes only the patient has only to read your words here to understand how false that statement is.

Of course, maybe realizing that you, too, are in pain is what makes it so hard for her to share with you. You both want to protect each other, and while there is no more truthful evidence of love than that, it also seems to be standing in the way of cementing the relationship you and probably she long for.

Try telling her in writing what you told us here. May you both be blessed with only the best life has to offer. Thanks for the quotes.

I was recently diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer. Set up my CaringBridge was the best thing I did. The vision of 80 people who care about and love you has made the difference between feeling isolated to feeling a group hug that protected me from loneliness and despair.

It rekindled old friendships and loving exchanges of memories and acknowledgment of my impact on the world. So I continue to feel loved and supported and connected and hugged. But there is one wire I never want to hear, and that is the hollow promise that it will be okay.

It is a well intentioned but false promise. No one knows how things will turn out and to me it is like reassurances given to a child while patting them on their head.

I would rather they tell me they have seen how strong I am, that I am loved and present in their hearts, minds, hopes and prayers, that they treasure our friendship and support me in any way they can.

Those are the words that create that comforting hug I visualize and feel as they join me on my journey. Thank you, CaringBridge. You have made all the difference in my ability to cope with and fight my cancer.

How wonderful for you to send out these words of comfort from those who have been conforted by them. I feel blessed to have read this article today. I want to be ready when the time comes for me to remember others in their grief and struggles. Daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer about 4 years ago.

I cried and prayed. She went through treatment and was cancer free for awhile. But came back and sense then it come with a vengeance. I hurt and cry and pray. I think she wants me in there willing to fight along side of her. but I call her she seems to preoccupied with other things or people.

I dont understand what she expects from me anymore. I have alot of health issues myself but I always try to go see here and other family when I go there. According to a couple of daughters I was even used as an excuse to have a glass of wine.

It hurts me too. I love her so much but shes killing me by pushing me to the back. I dont know if she realizes it. All these comments show that what is a comfort for one person, does not work for another.

Peace and good wishes that you get exactly what you need today, whether you have cancer, are a caregiver, or are any other kind of sentient being.

Just breathe, and know that God is in each breath. With much love. I strive to make at least one, or more, people I interact with each day to at least smile and hopefully laugh. It helps me, too.

Thank you for these. Sometimes it is hard to know what to say to someone with a cancer diagnosis. There are some really great ideas and thoughts that fit the situation for two of my friends who have had a cancer battle over the past year.

Is my faith strong enough? I would avoid anything like that. Remember the person going through cancer still exists-talk to them as you would normally before their diagnosis. They do not want to be treated as if you are walking on eggshells around them.

It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow. What Cancer Cannot Do Cancer is so limited It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage. It cannot reduce eternal life. It cannot quench the Spirit.

You have to figure out your own way to deal with this diagnosis. You learn about yourself, what you are made of. This can be extraordinary and you want to share this, help others who go through the same thing.

You are loved You are wonderfully made. You are beautiful. You are a masterpiece. God has a great plan for you. Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them.

The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it flow with it. and join the dance. When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters - one represents danger, the other represents opportunity.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass It's about learning how to DANCE IN THE RAIN. Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. My private measure of success is daily. If this were to be the last day of my life would I be content with it?

The majority of newly diagnosed patients have a favorable prognosis. You might think that it would be better to confront death when the time comes.

But even now, you are facing the possibility of dying of cancer and striving to prevent or delay it. This fight for your life is bound to be filled with fear, desperation, and inner anguish if you are not also striving, in your own way, to come to terms with the possibility of death.

This does not mean that you dwell on it; it means that you deal with it and then go on. It is always wise to review your personal and financial affairs.

Having done so, you will be all the better at living in the fullness of life, one day at a time, rather than in the dread of what could possibly happen.

The work of coming to terms with death can draw on our religious, spiritual, and philosophical beliefs about what is important in life, and why. These beliefs can provide meaning and purpose to life, and therefore consolation when facing death.

Many people have been able to feel, and to know, that their life has been about something important and of lasting value. This is one of the major ways that our religion or spirituality can help us. We have found that most of our patients are struggling with these issues and longing for a sense of peace, but they are forced to do so quietly because they have so little support for this important inner work.

Many patients abandon this effort, and come to feel hopeless about it. We encourage you to go forward through reflection and reading in the religious or spiritual traditions that appeal to you.

One book that many patients have found helpful is The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. The coping strategies we have discussed are not right for everyone, but there is good evidence that they generally are helpful to patients who are dealing with cancer. The bottom line is that they help patients feel better and stronger.

Patients feel better because they are facing their illness squarely and working through its emotional impact, and yet also keeping a perspective on it so that cancer does not define them or take over their life.

Through all the trials and challenges that cancer can bring, they are keeping their wits about them and are able to carry on. They feel stronger because they have support from other people and from within themselves.

They have taken stock of their most cherished reasons for living, which strengthen and sustain them in their fight against cancer.

And yet they also feel that their survival is not the only important objective; the quality of their lives and relationships, the values they live by, and their spirituality also deserve attention and effort.

They have the peace of knowing that their death from cancer, if it comes to that, will not obliterate the meaning, value, and joy that their life has given to them and their loved ones.

I have been treated with chemotherapy for more than six years and am now on my fifty-fifth course. My current treatment is an experimental infusion that lasts fifteen days each month. Almost immediately, I experience a nearly imperceptible ebbing away of my physical stamina and soon I prefer to walk rather than run, take an escalator instead of the stairs, and sit down rather than stand.

My life moves into slow motion. I gradually witness a change in my personality and the way I react to people and situations. What makes this experience so difficult and frightening is the loss of control that takes place—a transformation from a fully active and vital person into someone who can barely sit up and function effectively, which is overwhelming and disheartening.

Somewhere inside the deepest part of me, my truest self hides out under cover, and tells me that all of this is temporary and that I must just wait out these drug-induced episodes. This kind voice, along with my unwavering faith in God, enables me to conquer and think that somehow I will be able to see my way into the clearing.

And so I go on. These are the ten coping mechanisms that work for me:. I feel less defensive sooner when I can do this. For example, I have fewer blaming thoughts and use less denial when I can acknowledge my emotional pain. Almost as soon as I get to naming the feeling, I am able to move on to constructive thinking and problem solving.

Yet, a source of conflict may emerge within us between our values and beliefs about life and the more immediate reality emerging before us. When our survival appears to be threatened, some of our basic beliefs in life seem out of line with the new reality.

What is true? I feel deceived! The meaning in life seems to have shifted! Some ideas are comforting; others challenge us to shift our thoughts to more inclusive humanitarian viewpoints. Here are those that I found comforting:. This philosophy holds us responsible for our emotions.

Click here for complete interviews. Andrew Kneier, Ph. is a clinical psychologist who specialized over the course of his career in helping patients and families touched by cancer.

Most of this work was done at the University of California, San Francisco, Comprehensive Cancer Center where he was the only clinical psychologist for many years. In a number of cancer clinics, he was an integral part of the team and met with all new patients as a routine part of the program of care.

More He also worked with hundreds of patients in in-depth psychotherapy and led ongoing support groups for patients with colon cancer, prostate cancer, melanoma, and for husbands whose wives had cancer. All told, he met with over patients during his full time career.

He now works part time with patients through the Sierra Nevada Comprehensive Cancer Center in Grass Valley, California.

Every three months scans were done to look for tumors in his chest or abdomen. A therapist helped him cope with the fears and depression that occurred during this difficult time. Once it was determined that it was only a scare not the real thing he changed careers with the aim of becoming a therapist to help others as he had been helped.

Five years later to obtained his doctorate from the California School of Professional Psychology in Berkeley, CA. Before this career change, he was on the road to becoming a professor of religious studies through the University of Chicago Divinity School.

His interest in religious scholarship grew during his three years as a member of the Christian Brothers and his subsequent study of theology at the University of San Francisco, where he obtained baccalaureate and masters degrees.

He feels his background in this area has helped him be attuned to the religious or spiritual questions that can come with a life-threatening disease.

Ernest H. He teaches at the University of California, San Francisco, Comprehensive Cancer Center, was the cofounder of the Northern California Academy of Clinical Oncology, and founded the Better Health Foundation and the Cancer Supportive Care Program at the Stanford Complementary Medicine Clinic, Stanford University Medical Center.

His passionate interest in clinical research and developing ways to improve patient care and communication with patients and colleagues has resulted in over fifty articles on cancer and hematology in various medical journals. He has also participated in many radio and television programs and frequently lectures to medical and public groups.

Ernest and Isadora Rosenbaum received the same award in for their book, A Comprehensive Guide for Cancer Patients and Their Families. Isadora Rosenbaum is a medical assistant who worked in immunology research and is currently at an oncology practice at the UCSF Comprehensive Cancer Center offering advice and psychosocial support.

She coauthored Nutrition for the Cancer Patient and The Comprehensive Guide for Cancer Patients and Their Families. Diane Behar is a patient who shares her coping story during her fifty-fifth course of chemotherapy.

A longer story of hers can be found here from Inner Fire. Program Coordinator, Cancer Supportive Care Program, Stanford Integrative Medicine Clinic, Stanford, CA. Home Existential Existential Choosing Life The Will to Live Living with Mortality Hope as a Strategy.

Coping Coping with Cancer The Art of Forgiveness Coping with Depression Coping with Cancer: One Patients Way of Coping Coping with Cancer: Feeling Right When Things Go Wrong: Beliefs I Use to Help Me to Stay Alive Creative Expression and Quality of Life Symbolic-Immortality.

Support Support Groups Cancer and Family Needs Religion and Spirituality The Role of the Clergy. Stress Reducing Stress The Waiting Process Stress and Cancer When Your Spouse Has Cancer. About Resources Contact Us. Coping with Cancer Andrew Kneier, Ph. Ernest Rosenbaum, M.

Isadora R. Rosenbaum, M. Ten Steps toward Emotional Well-Being Patients respond in different ways to their diagnoses, the initial medical workup, subsequent test results, and the implications of all that is happening to them.

Many patients respond by Facing the Reality of Your Illness Patients respond in different ways to their diagnoses, the initial medical workup, subsequent test results, and the implications of all that is happening to them. Maintaining Hope and Optimism After facing the reality of your illness, you should try to maintain as much hope and optimism as possible.

Proportion and Balance Your emotional response should not just be one of optimism and hope. Expressing Your Emotions People differ in the way they express and communicate how they feel, and in our society women are generally better at this than men. Reaching Out for Support The amount of support available to cancer patients varies across the country, and patients themselves differ in how much they tend to reach out and take advantage of the support.

Adopting a Participatory Stance Do you take the initiative and actively participate in your treatment? Finding a Positive Meaning While the diagnosis and treatment of cancer is an awful experience in many respects, it also can be a challenge and even an opportunity for positive change.

Spirituality, Faith, and Prayer Most people in our society have some fundamental spiritual beliefs, and these beliefs can be called upon for help in dealing with cancer. Coming to Terms with Mortality It may seem that a major challenge when dealing with cancer is to fight against the possibility of death.

The Benefit for Patients The coping strategies we have discussed are not right for everyone, but there is good evidence that they generally are helpful to patients who are dealing with cancer.

These are the ten coping mechanisms that work for me: I try to live day to day. I focus my thoughts in the present tense and try to deal with matters close at hand. Instead, I concentrate on concrete and practical things. I try as best I can to compartmentalize the illness and not give it free rein over my existence.

I perceive it as unwelcome and boring. I live in a constant state of denial and keep my mind off the disease as much as possible.

I surround myself mostly with people and situations that bear no relationship to the illness. I avoid reading or listening to too much about cancer or involving myself with people who are also fighting the disease. Although I am aware they can be beneficial and therapeutic, I avoid support groups in order to prevent myself from allowing any new fears and anxieties about the illness to enter my consciousness.

I internalize a belief system that everything I am going through is temporary and will come to an end. I say to myself that in spite of everything, everything will be all right. I stand up to death with a courage I myself do not comprehend, and I do not permit myself to give in to a fear of dying.

I remind myself that no one knows when her last day will be and that, so far, I have lived longer than many people predicted.

Feeling Right When Things Go Wrong: Beliefs I Use to Help Me to Stay Alive Pat Fobair, L. Values When our survival appears to be threatened, some of our basic beliefs in life seem out of line with the new reality.

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Many cancer patients have mantras — or inspiring sayings — that they do their best to live by. Some are reminders that good things can come even out of bad situations, while others provide hope and encouragement when the going gets tough. Here are some of the most inspiring mantras our patients and their caregivers have shared with us on our Cancerwise blog over the past year.

We hope at least one of them will speak to you, too. Every day is worth it. Sometimes you gotta go down to go back up. What's your mantra? Tell us on our Facebook page. Request an appointment at MD Anderson online or by calling My Chart. And it can help you avoid infection and recover more quickly.

The key is to know where to find it. Good sources of protein include fish, poultry, lean red meat, eggs, nuts and nut butters, dried beans, peas and lentils, dairy products and soy foods. Yet every cell in your body needs water.

They can provide much-needed calories and keep you from becoming dehydrated. Do your best to drink plenty of water and other fluids each day.

Your dietitian can give you specific guidelines on how much is right for you. Alcohol can interfere with some cancer treatments and medicines. It can make side effects like a sore mouth and throat worse. And we now know that drinking any type of alcohol increases your risk of developing some types of cancer.

The best way to get vitamins or minerals is to eat a well-balanced diet. If you do that, you usually get what you need to stay healthy. Taking a regular-strength multivitamin and mineral supplement for your age group every day is often OK, but check with your healthcare team just to be sure.

There is no evidence that taking more than the recommended amounts of vitamins and minerals or that taking large amounts megadoses of any vitamin or mineral will improve your health or help to prevent or cure cancer. In fact, taking too much of some types of vitamins or minerals can be harmful to your health — and it may even make cancer treatment less effective.

Many people wonder whether eating specific foods will boost their immune system and help them fight cancer. No single diet, food or supplement can boost your immune system. The best thing you can do for your immune system is to follow an overall healthy lifestyle, which includes eating a balanced, healthy diet with a variety of foods.

There is no scientific evidence that any specific food or diet for example, the alkaline diet, a macrobiotic diet or the Gerson therapy diet can cure cancer. Because these diets often restrict food choices like meat, milk, eggs and even vegetables and fruit , they may not provide enough calories, protein, vitamins and minerals.

This can lead to weight loss and poor nutrition. Eating-related side effects are common during cancer treatment. But most of the time you may not eat well because cancer treatments can damage healthy cells along with cancer cells, causing side effects.

And when you have them, it can take some time to figure out what will help. You may find that your ability to eat well varies from one day to the next. This can all be pretty frustrating. The good news is that most of the time, side effects related to eating are temporary.

Once treatment ends, many people gradually get back to eating normally again. Find out more about these eating-related side effects: constipation diarrhea difficulty swallowing dry mouth dumping syndrome fatigue loss of appetite nausea and vomiting osteoporosis sore mouth and throat taste changes trismus weight gain.

The information that the Canadian Cancer Society provides does not replace your relationship with your doctor. The information is for your general use, so be sure to talk to a qualified healthcare professional before making medical decisions or if you have questions about your health.

We do our best to make sure that the information we provide is accurate and reliable but cannot guarantee that it is error-free or complete.